Cheese and Twig

So, today I'm the weirdo.  I'm commuting home carrying only a half-eaten block of mozzerella cheese in my hand.  No, wait...the guy brushing his teeth with a twig has me beat.

Pull-ups When the Train Pulls Up

So, there’s this guy who rides the El sometimes—he narrates the stops with the announcer, and then does a set of pull-ups.  Although I couldn’t pull out my phone fast enough to catch his narration, I was able to catch a few seconds of his workout regimen.

Man (in one continuous thought): “Doors opening! Doors closing! Ladies and gentleman you'll want to get off at this stop if you want to go to California, North Carolina, DC, Harrisburg or New Hampshire.  But, make sure you buy food before you get on the plane because it's really expensive otherwise. Boy, I need some energy." He proceeds to do pull-ups on the stainless steel bar. "I know, I know, I have issues, but I hope you all have a wonderful day!"

Teach a Man to Fish, and He'll Ask that Fish Weird Questions

On Friday evening, my friend and co-worker drove me to the train platform because it was freezing outside.  I said to her, “Whenever I walk, I’m always waiting across the street at the light when my train pulls up, so then I’m stuck waiting about 20 minutes for the next one.  Always happens!”  Low and behold, as she pulled up to the light, the train arrived.  She made a quick turn, and I sprinted up the stairs.  I heard the familiar beeping of the train doors closing, and I yelled in one last desperate attempt, “Wait!!!! Please! I’m coming!!!”  To my surprise, the train conductor opened the door and let me on.  I was out of breath and beginning to sweat, and then I heard, “Wow, you almost didn’t make it.”

What was said wasn’t weird by any means.  What was weird was that the person who said it spoke within an inch of my ear and had his entire body pressed up against mine, which triggered an immediate recognition.

I slowly shifted my eyes to the left, and as I expected, my train dude, Chris, was standing right next to me….well, right up against me.  Please note that the train was not crowded, not even a little.  He was wearing a giant fighter pilot hat, and his glasses were all fogged up.

I said, “Yeah….that was a close one.” When he made no attempt to remove his body from mine, I took a few steps backward and leaned against the steel railing.  He turned, took a few steps, and stood face-to-face with me, with probably about a foot between us.

Chris—“You want to know what song I have in my head right now?  It’s off the soundtrack from the movie Belly.”

Me—“I don’t know that song.” I found it hilarious that this little squirrely dude enjoyed the movie Belly.

Chris—“Oh.  Do you have a song stuck in your head right now?”

Me—“I normally do, but not at the moment.”

Chris looked down, took a piece of scrap paper and pen out of his pocket, and began writing.  I could already guess what he was writing down, and I was right.

Chris—“Here’s my email and phone number, you know, in case you want to be friends.”

I thanked him, took it, and put it in my pocket.  And I giggled a little to myself because I remembered that his email is mad-dog13@.... 

Chris—“So, I’m headed to First Friday tonight in Olde City.  Any chance you want to come with me?”

Me—“Sorry, no, I have hockey tonight. Thanks for the invite though.”

A guy standing near us pops his head right over Chris’ shoulder and says, “Hockey?! What kind of hockey do you play?”

Me—“Dek hockey.  Just for fun, you know, exercise and all that.”

Guy—“I love checking people! Where do you play, I’d love to play too.”

Me—“Oh, out in DelCo.”

Guy—“That’s just too far. I can’t be expected to go that far.”

Chris—“So, do you watch the show The Soup?”

Me—“Sometimes.”

Chris—“I was watching it this week, and in one segment they put this couple up on screen, and I had no idea who they were. I was hoping you could tell me.”

Me—“Shoot, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t see it.”

Chris—“Well if you could go home and watch it and get back to me with an answer, that would be great.”

Me—“Ok, will do.”

So far, the conversation was a bit odd as expected, but not as intrusive or weird as it normally is, well except for that whole body-contact thing. As we pulled up to the station, I turned toward the door.  Of course, he leaned up against my back.  When the door opened, I jetted out making my way toward the El. I got on a few seconds before the doors closed, and sat down on an inside seat….always risky when Chris is following somewhere behind me.  Fortunately, the neighboring seat remained open.  About five stops later, someone sat down and I could feel eyes on me.  I looked to the side and it was Chris. 

Chris—“Hi again.  I’m reading The Onion.  Would you like it next?”

Me—“No thanks.” Coincidentally, I was reading The Onion online right at that moment. 

So, at this point I knew he was going to First Friday and therefore would be getting off at my stop. Unsure of how to handle this, I asked him to let me up the stop prior. He stood and walked right toward the train doors. I got up and turned left, toward the opposite end.  I leaned against the stainless steel bars and when I looked up, Chris was standing right in front of me.

Chris—“So, have you reconsidered?”

Me—“Reconsidered what?”

Chris—“You know, ditching hockey and coming with me to First Friday.”

Me—“Nope, sorry, I’m going to hockey.”

Chris—“Well, is First Friday on the way to hockey.”

Me—“No, sorry. Have fun though.”

Chris—“Well, make sure that you watch The Soup and let me know who that celebrity couple is.”

Me—“Ok, will do.”