Mix Tape

Yesterday’s commute was comprised of a few minor, yet amusing, little tidbits.  I hope one will give you at least a small chuckle.

1. Beam Me Up.  Something was definitely wrong with my train—it sounded like I was riding in a spaceship. I really loud, obnoxious movie-quality spaceship.  Coincidentally, the driver looked like Mr. Sulu, but I’m pretty certain that was the first time he’d ever driven a train spaceship because he was not obeying commands from the control center.  He was also driving the train so slowly that this old man in a walker passed us.  (Ok, I’m kidding about the old man in the walker, but it took a 20 minutes for a typically 7-minute train ride)

2. Gender Confusion. I get on my transfer, and this woman sitting there spills a red drink all over her light blue sweatpants and white bedazzled sweatshirt.  I grab a napkin out of my bag and say “Ma’am, here you go. This might help.” She turns around, takes off her hat, takes the napkin and starts wiping off.  At this point, I’m not certain if she’s a man or a woman.  So, I’m not sure if she didn’t say “thank you” because she’s rude, or because I’m an idiot.

3. Who Needs Pants?  Dude sitting in front of gets up and starts walking toward the door at his stop.  His pants fall plumb to his ankles.  Apparently he didn’t notice because he just kept walking until he looked down and said: “Shoot, my pants fell down.”  Luckily, he had on boxer shorts.

4. Keep it Straight. I exit the train and head down the corridor to buy my March Trailpass. A young guy carrying a nice leather satchel and wearing trendy clothing is standing against the wall.  When I walk by he says, “Miss, can I have some money?”  I decline and keep walking.  On my way back down the corridor, I hear:
Guy: “Can I have some money?”
Me: “You already asked me.” 
Guy: “What did you just say to me?!”
Me: “You already asked me.”
Guy: “Stupid bitch.”
Me: “If you’re going to ask for money, at least keep track of the people you’re asking.”
Guy: “You’re a stupid bitch.”
Me: “Good luck getting any money with that attitude, asshole.”