Crack Can't Get You Out of a Scabby Situation

I got on the El at 69^th Street Station and sat down in a window seat.  I couldn’t help but stare when a young guy sat down facing me with a massive head of curly hair, a fitted Rihanna t-shirt, very tight shorts and giant purple rhinestone earring— just interesting to look at. Because I was inspecting this guy, it took me off guard when a man’s voice to my right asked, “Excuse me, but is it ok if I sit next to you?”  I was confused because no one in the history of the El has ever asked anyone if it was ok for them to sit down in an empty seat.

I looked up, and to my surprise, saw one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen. There even seemed to be a beam of light shining through the window on him. I think I might have smiled and definitely blabbered something like, “Yes, sure, yeah you can sit down. Go ahead. Yeah, sure.”

I scooted over and jammed myself against the window for some reason to give him more room, which was not necessary because I was only taking up my seat in the first place.  For some reason I found this really hilarious and started laughing. 

The handsome man then took out his laptop, placed it on top of the satchel on his lap, and started typing.  The only problem was that he thrust his elbows out, taking over half my seat with his arm. Then he started rubbing his left elbow against my arm as he was typing away—I’m still unsure if this was intentional.  Unfortunately, he had a giant scab on his elbow, which I could feel as he rubbed up against my right arm.  I was horrified and moved my arm over.  He then moved his elbow over.  I moved my arm up and over, and he followed with his elbow. I had nowhere else to go! I started laughing again because I thought, why does this stuff happen to me?

All of a sudden, the woman sitting behind us picked up her phone and said loudly, “My kids better have gotten that crack.  They ain’t coming home without that crack. That’s all I gotta say about that.” At this point, I was too alarmed to look back to check out this woman behind me.

A few stops later, the woman got up and off the train, and the handsome man sitting next to me said, “Excuse me, but did you just hear that woman talking about her kids getting crack for her?”  I looked him in the eyes, replied with a simple “yes,” and then totally lost it laughing aloud like a mad woman because, well, only me.